Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We're too hungover to prance.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
