Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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