That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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