Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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