Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
