So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
