We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
