A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
