I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
