i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
