Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
