his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
