Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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