We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
