I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
