i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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