I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
