life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
