eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I deserve this hangover.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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