Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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