hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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