The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize