Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
