It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
