im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
