OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
