I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
