Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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