recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
