She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
