I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
