The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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