He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
