i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
