the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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