Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
