So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
