k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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