Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
