Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My life is pants optional.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
