I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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