the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
