I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
