well I can't set my house on fire every night
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
