dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
