i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
