shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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