those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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