his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
