Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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