And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
