I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
