im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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