me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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