Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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