Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
