I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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