She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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