i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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