If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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