So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
