Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
