I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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