I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
