Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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